It really is “all about you”
Do you find yourself preoccupied with what other people are doing and the choices they are making? Are you always telling people what to do? Do men beg you to please stop nagging?
Well, ask yourself this: Is your own life out of control?
People who focus too much on other people usually have big messes in their own homes that they are avoiding. Focusing on others is a fabulous distraction away from one’s own reality. And it works! The more you focus on other people, the less you have to face your own truth.
When you spend all your time in other people’s houses, you don’t have to acknowledge that your own house was ravaged by a brutal fire and is being vandalized by dirty rats and angry monkeys.
If you are nagging your boyfriend over being irresponsible, stop mid-sentence and go silent (he’ll love you for that) and enter introspective mode. We all understand why you care, but why do you care SO MUCH? You care so much because the nagging isn’t actually intended for him. It’s intended for YOU. Everything you say is a message for you first. And when there is real emotion with it, you know it is something that YOU really need to hear.
So when you are nagging Bob about being irresponsible with his child, the real question to ask yourself is: where in your life are YOU being irresponsible? Maybe you are being irresponsible in your job hunt or diet, or perhaps you have been neglectful in making some home repairs or resolving a credit dispute. Maybe you harbor some shame in how well you are caring for your own child.
It’s worth taking the time to identify where your accusation applies to you. Because I can guarantee it does.
We don’t realize how transparent we really are to others. When we are talking to others, imagine that the person disappeared and you were left talking to yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll likely find that the very things we say to other people resonate quite deeply with ourselves (oftentimes more than it does with the other person).
This is why you’ll be talking with someone and they are saying things that don’t resonate at all with you – even though they are trying to help you. You realize that if the person were talking to themself, the entire conversation would make perfect sense. This alone should motivate you to watch your words from now on.
When we don’t want to take control of our own lives, we seek to “control” other people’s. It’s fun, it’s easy and we don’t bear the responsibility or consequences of our advice. Of course we love it! We become the armchair quarterback of society.
When you focus on your own life and cleaning up the messes in your home, you’ll find yourself a lot less focused on what other people should be doing. You’ll still care about your friends and loved ones, but you won’t care so much that it distracts you away from taking care of your own business.