Who I Want My Spend My Life With

Last week I had dinner with my newly turned 16-year-old friend, Finn. Marriage and kids came up and Finn nonchalantly says, “If I met someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I would do it.”

I gazed into the fire next to us and said quietly, “I know what you mean. I found that person.” Then I turned to Finn, 22 years younger than me, who is a precious gem to me. I found myself speaking without knowing what the words were going to be. They came out almost as if a muse were speaking them through me.

“It was me,” I said. “I am the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m her.”

Finn got it right away. She’s oddly wise that way for a teenage girl. She hugged me, thanking me for sharing that, saying it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever told her. In that moment, I realized what I had just said.

“I love spending time with myself,” I continued, gazing back into the fire. “I enjoy my time alone. I find myself interesting, insightful, entertaining, witty and sometimes – outright hilarious. I AM the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I LOVE who I have become.”

Finn is just a few days over 16. But she got it. And I kind of hope that she remembers this night and this brief conversation in the years to come. I know there may come a time when she forgets these words and throws her power to the wind; hoping that someone – anyone – returns it back to her wrapped in flowers and fleeting romance.

I know this because too many of us – including me – wasted our years seeking the person to “complete” us when we are the only ones who truly have that power. We refuse to see reality. And so we seek. And seek. But seeking only leads to more seeking. Not finding.

As Cheri Huber says, “That which you are seeking is causing you to seek”. But I love the truth. The truth is that I own everything I need in the palm of my hand. I just need to open it and accept, honor and empower what I already own. And my wish for Finn – for her 16th birthday and every year beyond – is that she fall in love with herself so deeply that she too becomes the very person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

(Finn with me, her “Auntie Karen”)


About Epiphany

epiphanies on life and spiritual living as I chase wisdom - one insight at a time.

Posted on December 17, 2012, in Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hello Epiphany,

    I’ve read about a dozen of your posts. They are very clear and insightful. Thank you. I notice one thing — The wisdom is high, but the compassion feels low. In Buddhism it is spoken of as the two wings of the Dhamma. One without the other is considered “not the thing” I guess as a bird with one wing wouldn’t really be able to function as a bird. Your writing feels sharp and bright and maybe needs a bit of moisture, softer edges, I’m not sure. Compassion for me is tricky. I know I have a lot of stories about what it is, but have only experienced true compassion infrequently. Anyway, your blog is wonderful, and I learned a great lesson from it today. So thank you again. Sincerely, Arlen (I’m a woman).


    • Hi Arlen, great comment and I can totally embrace an exploration of where I am low on compassion – especially since that is an area where I want to be in full bloom! I know it takes courage to call someone out on being low on compassion, but I’m open to sitting with that to see where I’m missing it. Thank you for the kind words and the nudge to take a deeper look at myself… Thank you and Namaste.


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