8 Ways to Get Asked to Dance

“I’m not getting asked to dance,” she said. And I could see why. She was a skilled follower and a beautiful woman with the warmest soul. But no one noticed because she sat buried in the corner of the room looking royally annoyed.

Sometimes I’m not in the mood to do a lot of social dancing. But when I am… here are a few things I will do (and guys, this goes for you too!).

#1: Stand up. If you REALLY want to dance, don’t sit down. It gives the impression that you are resting and taking a break. Stand up and position yourself at the edge of the dance floor.

#2: Start moving. Whether you are standing by the dance floor or sitting down, moving your body and your feet to the music shows that you are feeling the song and want to dance to it. The fastest way for me to get asked is to go onto the edge of the floor and begin dancing by myself or practicing a movement.

#3. Be less social. This isn’t the time to get into a deep conversation with a friend. If I am chatting with someone, I keep my eyes on the dance floor, and actively convey that my interest is not in the conversation, but on the possibility of dancing. I show this by smiling at people who walk by and being interested in what’s happening on the floor.

#4. Be more social. Find someone you want to dance with and strike up a conversation with them. Comment on how much you love the band or DJ tonight. Ask if they like the wine they are drinking. Or simply go up and say, “I don’t believe we have met, I’m Karen….”. Making a new friend this way will almost always lead to them asking you dance – either then or later.

#5. Check your attitude. You have to look receptive, so drop the crossed arms. Confidence is great thing, but don’t strut around and watch the floor with an attitude that suggests you are too good to dance with anyone there. Some people appear to be always judging what’s happening on the floor. Don’t be that person. It suggests you will do the same when you dance with them. Lastly, be gracious regardless of who asks you to dance. Guys will notice how you respond when asked to dance – and will watch your attitude while you are dancing with other leads. Stay gracious! 

#6. Drop your ego. You aren’t entitled to being asked just because you showed up. Your 10,000 hours of lessons and practicing doesn’t guarantee you a thing. If you want to dance, sometimes YOU just have to ask. If I never asked guys to dance, I would sit down all night too. Make a guy’s night and approach him. Guys love this far more than we ladies realize.

#7. Make it easy. Don’t play hard to get. Don’t make it difficult or awkward for the guy to ask you. Ensure you have plenty of moments when you are alone so he doesn’t have to awkwardly interrupt a conversation. Smile at them. Make eye contact. Even if you have to fake it, appear to be enjoying your night. No guy wants to take on the challenge of flipping an attitude from “pissed off bench warmer” to happy dancer.

#8. Be the first to say hello. When you walk into a room or pass people, take the initiative to be the first to say hello. Greeting people shows them that you are friendly and receptive. Upon arrival, I do my best to walk the room greeting everyone I know in the room. At that point, I oftentimes say, “Save me a dance later” – which basically fills up my dance card right away.

Lastly, some nights I’m simply feeling more demure or shy, especially if I am feeling intimidated by the skill level of the room. In that case, I ask friends, the DJ, host or promoter who they recommend I dance with. Most people are more than happy to make an introduction or point out a warm, friendly lead who will put me at ease.

At the end of the day, getting asked is simply about exuding good vibes. Change your vibe and it will change your night.


About Epiphany

epiphanies on life and spiritual living as I chase wisdom - one insight at a time.

Posted on August 16, 2016, in Dance and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Perfect advice! Love it.


  2. Number 6 is really on point.


  3. I wished most female dancer would read this before going to Milongas! Sometimes I got the feeling that tangueras go to Milonga for any reason but not for dancing ….but maybe I simply misunderstand some of them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I went to a milonga a few weeks ago in a new city… and I was amazed that many men seemed to be more interested in talking with one another than dancing with a new girl who happened to be visiting. It was baffling to me. It was a smaller event so I was easily visible as I stood on the edge of the dance floor, clearly open to a cabaceo… It made me realize that some people may truly show up for the social aspects and not be as dedicated to the dancing part of it.


      • Wouldn´t have happened to you at the milonga of “El Bandoneon” in Perugia, Italy. Friendly atmosphere, and even though most people know each other, it hardly happens that a newcomer is not asked to dance.


  4. Another “way” sort of related to some of the 8 you mention: Even when not in the process of “asking/being asked”, be aware of people around you. Make eye contact. Smile. Mumble some simple greeting. This can occur at lots of places where a “request” might not happen, like at the food table, or the drinking fountain, at the coat rack, and so on. I try to put an ‘i’d love to dance later” expression.

    Then, later…


  5. I was attending milongas in Buenos Aires, tango festival in Belgrade, and other milongas, and sadly I can say that milongeros are choosing for dance their friends or milongeras they know… outsiders often are wallflowers! no matter how nicely ladies are looking, smiling, inviting with their gestures to have one tanda, rarely they dance… and being 55+ …. you can enjoy only shows of invited world dancers…. and you are attending these milongas with hope that you will dance! Toronto tango events organizers introduced to their milongueras signs with an eye for CABECEO 🙂 which every table have got, and when I have showed it to some passing tangueros finally I got dance in few tandas. This is nice video reflecting the hope for dance at milonga …Lost in Cabeceo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nljH99Qa_5Y … I feel sorry for this girl… 😦


  6. I love your articles! I just binge-read about 10 of them. I’ll be following you, for sure. I do have trouble with the Cabeceo. I have some social anxiety and the cabeceo goes against all of my nature. I don’t make eye contact with people naturally unless I’m talking to them, so I usually have to wait until someone just comes up to me and asks. Maybe I’ll master it some day..


  7. The easiest is to smile at everyone. If you are in conversation with a friend, keep your eye on the dance floor and passersby even as you continue your conversation.


  1. Pingback: Nyolc tipp arra, hogy felkérjenek a milongán

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