It was a dance instructor’s nightmare. At the top of the class, 50% of the class raised their hands to indicate that they were not rotating – they wanted to stay with their intended partner for the entire class.
Unfortunately, that left 7 extra ladies with one hesitant man to rotate to.
The next day, I got smart and asked someone to partner with me for the class. Upon arriving, I saw that EVERYONE had a partner this time. Except for one girl…. I saw her shyly fade off to the fringe of the room to reluctantly “just watch” the class – which isn’t what she paid for when she signed up.
I didn’t know the girl very well, but I sensed that she really wanted to take the class. When I saw that she didn’t have a partner, I ran over and invited her to join me. I suggested that we share my partner, switching on and off.
Imagine how different the previous day would have been if couples had “adopted” a single person and rotated between the three of them. The instructor wouldn’t be managing a nightmare and the entire class would have gone home happy.
I understand why couples don’t want to rotate and I fully respect that choice. Sharing a partner honors the wish to stay together and enables pairs to be good community members.
If we want to build and sustain communities where people feel embraced and included, we need to notice the person who is reluctantly sitting out, or on the fringes, and find a way to integrate them. Especially when they are aching to be included.
This is one simple and easy way to be a “community hero” – and still stay with your partner.(Related: The Unchosen Man – The powerful impact of “choosing” someone)